Do less. Carry less. Go further.

The purse turns into a shoulder bag and then it turns into a full-on backpack and pretty soon we all feel like we’re a pack mule every time we leave the house. Ask any mom - not only do you have to keep your keys, wallet, phone somewhere you aren’t going to lose them, but now you have to carry the spare clothes, diapers, toys, snacks, sunscreen, and all the other stuff your kid needs even though they never remember to bring it themselves.

I am all for guys that keep a belt pack or some kind of bag to carry around their own stuff. How many times have you been asked to hold on to stuff that doesn’t fit in your partner’s pockets? Here, they say, this will fit in your bag.

But this isn’t just about the stuff. This isn’t about having all the bells and whistles to make sure your family outing doesn’t turn into a disaster of outbursts and tantrums (from kids, or husbands). This is about find yourself carrying more than your share.

How many times have you looked at your calendar and wondered where the hell your time went? How is it none of those little boxes are for you? What started as someone asking for a small favor turned into a full-out obligation. We try to do the right thing, be nice, and help someone solve their problem.

Then, somehow, their problem turned into your problem. Somehow, they now have expectations about how you’re going to help them.

For a while I was going with this idea of enough. Do you need to be more successful or go further or lift more or get MORE out of life? Or, can you be OK with enough?  Now, I want to go a step further and suggest that you do less. Whatever you’re doing right now - between work and health and your home life - it is too much. The obligations that you put yourself up to, the deadlines and requirements and all the other things that seem like life or death likely don’t matter much at all.

I bet you could cut your to-do list by 80% and everything will be just fine. At the top end, this might mean cutting out the little stuff - the dinner with friends who you rarely see, traveling during the holidays to see family, volunteering for yet another thing at your kid’s school. You’d be amazed at how easy it is to set yourself up to other people’s expectations.

But I want you to try going a little further. Looking at everything you do in a day, what are you actually obligated to do? It only seems like a simple question, but the results will blow your mind. On any given day, you have to eat food and drink water and maybe clean yourself to some standard (there are a great many people out there who do this, and pretty much only this, in a day). Maybe you have a young kid that relies on you for those same things. Beyond that, what are you obligated to do?

Are you obligated to work? Do you really need a job? No. But you do need income. Do you HAVE to talk with your mom on the phone? Nope, never. If you were looking for permission, this is it. You don’t have to pick up for anyone. You don’t have to respond to any emails or texts. You can do things your own way because you are obligated to do far less than you think you are.

If this sounds extreme, it is. If it sounds like your life might fall apart, it will. There’s that idea about how “you get out what you put in.” If you want a nicer experience, you might have to trade some of your time and take on an obligation. But I will tell you this: we are all putting in FAR MORE than what we’re getting out.

You don’t have to solve anyone’s problems but your own, and you’d be shocked to realize how many of your problems are because of someone else. You don’t owe anyone a response on anything. You don’t have to upload holiday pictures for your extended family that you never see. You don’t have to go to the neighborhood potluck or listen to your coworker gripe about how miserable their weekend was.

You’re obligated to do far less than you think. I challenge you to figure out what that means for you.